It's a well-known saying: "If you want a situation to improve, you must first improve yourself." But oh, how difficult that remains. Especially in moments when you're about to make a tough decision: saying goodbye to someone or pushing through a decision because you're convinced your solution is the best one. Yet it is crucial to first look at yourself in those moments.
The road to improvement.
In an earlier column, I wrote: "Real leaders listen." Those words sound simple, but they remain relevant time and time again. Even if, as a leader, you know what direction or strategy is needed, leadership is not just about the end goal; it's also about the journey to get there.
The power of listening and aligning.
Take a situation where you're convinced that it would be better for someone to leave your team. You can take a direct approach: a short conversation, deliver the message, rip off the band-aid, and move on. Your burden is lifted, you sleep well again, and you can carry on.
But does that truly improve the situation? Often, it does not. Unspoken emotions linger, and in an organization, that always has an impact, on the culture, on collaboration, and even on the loyalty of other team members.
I've made mistakes in this area myself. I, too, have hurt people by jumping to conclusions too quickly. The good thing is that I've learned from it and was lucky enough to restore relationships afterward.
Scientific research supports this: listening is one of the most powerful tools of leadership. A study by Zenger and Folkman published in Harvard Business Review found that effective listeners don't just pay attention but also reflect, summarize, and ask questions. This creates mutual understanding and trust.
The talking stick.
A technique I embrace comes from Indigenous traditions: the talking stick. The principle is simple but effective. Take the time to explain why you're dissatisfied, how you see the situation, and what your expectations are. Then ask the other person to summarize your words. That way, you know if they have truly listened.
Next, give space for reflection. How does the other person see the situation? This requires you to listen, actively and without judgment.
What happens through this process? Two things. A shared understanding emerges. Even if you still disagree, you both know you've been taken seriously. And it creates room for unexpected breakthroughs. Perhaps the other person discovers a solution you hadn't thought of. Or maybe the process confirms that parting ways is the right choice, but now with mutual respect.
Small adjustments, big impact.
The best part? This approach often doesn't take more time than the direct route. In fact, the time you invest in a meaningful conversation pays off multiple times over. You build trust, strengthen the culture, and create sustainable solutions.
It all starts with awareness. Stop, look in the mirror, and ask yourself: Have I truly listened? Sometimes, that's all it takes to shift a situation.
February 2025, Column for MT/Sprout